"Comparison is the thief of joy"

Isn't it funny how little things become HUGE things when you're trying to fall asleep at night?  Like trying to remember if you paid the electric bill on time - or realizing you forgot to send a birthday card....Suddenly, filling the car up with gas seems like an insurmountable chore.

Last night while I lay in bed looking at other people's artwork, I started feeling pretty discouraged.  What I saw was amazing - and what I do pales in comparison.   I turned the laptop off but shutting my mind off was much harder.  I kept thinking how there are far too many people, more talented than me and already doing what I want to do, to achieve what I want to achieve.  These people are professionals and I am an amateur.

I've been trying to illustrate as much as I can... which basically means I race downstairs to my Studio as soon as baby M goes down for a nap!  I'm trying to improve, and find my style, and uncork all that creativity that I know is in there somewhere.  I feel like time is against me.  I don't know why.  I guess because this is more than just a hobby.   I treat it like a job because that's what I want it to be.  

This morning I felt much better.  Don't get me wrong, I still doubt myself sometimes - a lot of times.   I've spent many years thinking I could never do this, and now I'm doing it - sort of - and it's scary.   Last night those thoughts were suffocating, but today, I let them drift away. 

When I wonder why my thoughts suddenly overcame me last night, I realize it started when I compared myself to other illustrators.  It's a repeating habit in my life.   I compare myself to my friends and I feel boring and unaccomplished.  I compare myself to other moms and I feel lazy and unsure.   I compare myself to other artists and I feel out of my league.  I find the best qualities in others and wonder why I can't be more __________.  (Fill in the blank.)   

But what about the best qualities in me?  "Comparison is the thief of joy," said Theodore Roosevelt.  How right he was!  And it's a spectacular waste of time too.  I don't want to be like anyone else.  I WANT TO BE ME!  Silly me. Confused me. Kind me. Impatient me. Curious me.  Strong me.   In a society that tries so hard to tell us who to be - that is accomplishment enough.